Older not Wiser

Older not Wiser

I saw a post on social media the other day that went something like this, “Ever look around because you need an adult and then you realize you are the adult so you look for someone who is adultier than you?” There is a lot of wisdom in those words. As I reached another birthday I realized that as my body keeps telling me I am aging, I’m not sure I believe it. I always thought adults knew it all and now I realize that they/we are just making it up like everyone else. I am definitely in the camp of getting older, but not yet wiser.

Another Year

I’m no astronaut, but it seems like our loop around the sun gets smaller every year. Growing up, the time between birthdays felt like an eternity. Waiting ALL YEAR for a birthday to come around with some gifts, parties and cake. As I get older, the days seem longer but the months feel short. Gone are the endless games of pickup ball in the street under a sun that never sets. Replaced with hours of spreadsheets, laundry and taxes. The race against the clock never ends. The sun may rise and set but we become too busy to notice. Months fly by marked by a rent check and a calendar that blends together. Before you know it, the hustle and bustle has passed you by and another candle cries its wax onto a chocolatey reminder of what was once a special day, that now is disguised as a Tuesday.

The clocks haven’t sped up but more our perception of time has. When you are younger, a year is 20% of your entire life so it seems like such a significant moment. As the years pass they become a lower percent. The cake gets cut thinner and thinner until each chapter is only as wide as a single sheet of paper.

Getting Wiser

What if we had wisdom all wrong? Is there more wisdom in knowing about retirement plans, oil changes, and arthritis or in knowing the rules to kick the can, running out of gas on a side road, and waking up without aches and pains. I miss standing in the rain with that girl talking about anything to keep the moment going. Now I would run inside so I don’t ruin my shoes. The best days were doing absolutely nothing for hours on end without a watch or care or taking road trips with the boys. Is the wisdom in knowing the stove is hot better than trying to touch the glowing coil? Maybe that’s a bad example but wisdom seems like it is just knowing the answers to the questions. Wonder is having the questions in the first place. To me the answers are way more boring than the question. We respect wisdom without even knowing if they asked the right questions.

Maybe the solution is to not grow up at all. Maybe that is where the wisdom really lies. In finding the questions to ask. To spend another day dancing in the rain. Or to turn off the highway and see what the backroads have to offer. Not to rush from place to place but slowly meander, not afraid to stop and take in a lake, waterfall, or moment. Instead of racing the clock, only racing against the setting sun. I want to jump in puddles again. Even though I know what will happen I miss the joy of the splash! As we get older and wiser we miss out on the fun of wonder. That’s what we need to bring back. Except touching the stove. Some lessons are only learned once.

Reflecting

As I look back on the birthday, I look at someone who has spent the last few years wandering and wondering. I haven’t taken the traditional path in life. Didn’t get married, didn’t have kids. Instead, I keep walking around trees and cliffs. I see something new every time I’m in the woods. I have visited small towns, ghost towns, and big cities. Each time I learn something knew but instead of becoming wiser, I just find more questions.

I also lost the man who had the answers to the questions this year. My dad passed his wisdom to me over every call, road trip and time out fishing. While I can’t ask him questions any more, I can still hear him telling me the answers on those trails. That is what keeps me walking. Looking for more questions, unlocking more of the map.

My body now tells me that I am getting older but my mind is still asking to stay out past curfew. Still asking for more excitement, more first times, and to find more wisdom through wonder. To find a few answers but a million more questions. To ask, where does that path go? Wisdom tells me to check a map but that inner wonder tells me I should take it. After years of hesitation, I’m finally taking that path more often than not. It’s finally making all the difference. I’m still not any wiser, and I’m not sure I ever want to be!

More from The Fatman

If you enjoyed this post you may enjoy more of the posts on my Fatman’s Rambling page. Blogs such as “Screw it, I’m Trying”, “Hiking Alone not Lonely Hiking“, “Winslow, Arizona” and “Another Year” as well as many others may interest you there. If you have any comments or topics you would like me to cover, feel free to email me at fatmanlittletrails@gmail.com. Or you can keep the conversation going by following me on any of the below social media platforms.